One of the hardest parts of this process is the mental grind.

There are the high stress times.

The out-of-state moves.

The packing.

The little slip-ups.

And the kids!

Then there's the challenge of breaking YEARS of bad habits.

And it's not just what I do.

It's what I don't do.

What I say.

What I don't say.

And how I say and do things.

That's the grind.

That's where things get really tough.

So how do I stay motivated and positive when things get tough?

Simple.

I ask myself why I'm doing this.

I don't remind myself why I'm doing this.

I ask.  Again.

And I don't ask what I am doing.  Or what I need to do.

I ask why.

And I don't ask why someone might want to be a better husband.

I ask why “I” do.

That is where the motivation comes from.

It has to be “my why.”

Because you can tell someone why it's important to lose weight.

But until it's important to them.  Until they have their reasons.  They're not going to lose any weight.

And until I realized how important it was to me to be a better husband, I was just going to do the same things and get the same results.

It's pretty remarkable how quick and effective it is to slow down and ask myself why this is important for me.

Try it sometime.

Get specific.

You might be surprised at how quickly you realize that the tough stuff benefits you in more ways than you imagine.

This is what it looks like in my head:

Why is this important to me?

I'll have a less stressful marriage.

I'll get to (and want to) spend more time with my wife.

I'll smile (and see her smile) more.

I'll get to connect with my wife and kids at a very real level and teach my kids what it looks like to be a good man.

My daughter will know what it looks like to be treated well and I can show her that she does not need to accept being treated poorly.

My son will know what it's like to be a good husband.

After going through this way of thinking it's harder to not put the extra effort in.

Some folks may not get as much out of a good smile as me. Some folks may not have kids.  Some folks may not want to spend more time with their spouse….

But I do.

Some folks may just want more time to go fishing.

And that's OK.

Because they're your reasons for improving your marriage.

And until you have your reasons why it's important to you, you're going to keep doing what you're doing and getting what you're getting.

Why might you want to become a better spouse?