Seriously, every day.
It's not one of those things I can just do differently and show her that I've changed. Otherwise I'd just do that.
My wife moved from Massachusetts to New York because that's where my job took me.
We've lived in NYC and then Hoboken, New Jersey, or as the fancy folks who don't want to admit they live in NJ call it….”right outside the City.”
Apparently there's a stigma (or at least a paranoia) that you're not “cool” if you live “outside of ‘the City.'” Whatever, dude. Next time someone answers “right outside the City” when you ask where they're from, ask them what city in New Jersey. Almost guaranteed.
Anyhow… from the moment she moved out here – literally as she is wedging her wardrobe into a New York City “closet” (a/k/a a broom closet with a ruler at the top to hang a suit) – she asked when we would be going “home.”
“Home,” is Massachusetts, she insisted.
“No, dear. We live and work here. This is our home,” I'd respond.
“But our families are in Massachusetts. That's where our home is,” she'd reply.
“But we are here. What does it matter where everyone else lives? We can visit them whenever we want.”
And around and around we'd go. Literally every day, something was better, easier, sunnier or just “nicer” in MA.
And New York was hectic and smelled like pee. (I always conceded the pee thing, but only in the summer…. And it's more a combination of trash and pee….)
It drove me nuts. In my heart, I felt like she never gave this place a chance.
So I did everything to convince her to just give it a chance. I listed all the “But we haves.”
Theater (That we hardly go to.).
Restaurants (That we hardly eat at, especially with the kids.).
So many sports teams (That we can't stand. Sorry, it's true. I'm not really sorry.)
Three major airports within 20 miles (That we rarely use because our vacations are mostly spent going back to MA.).
We had everything around us that anyone could ever want.
But we rarely took advantage of it.
I was just defending my decision to move and then stay here.
Had I actually given her points some thought, maybe I would have realized that the things that we have in New York are the things we don't care much about.
We have some great friends. Many who are like family.
But everything else we care about is right where she told me it was.
So, yeah, this is not “home.” She was right.
It's fun. I could be “happy” in New Jersey for the rest of my life.
But that's because I'll be happy wherever she and the kids are.
Not because it's “home.”
So here's the exciting part.
I have an opportunity to move to MA.
A five month window.
So screw it. We're going for it.
We're going home.
And I know I don't need to say I'm sorry about this one. She's just happy we're going home.
But I really should. I gave her a hard time for nearly nine years.
So yes, I am going to do something about it (move home).
But I'm also going to say I'm sorry and that I was wrong.
I'm still trying to put my finger on what made me realize that I was wrong.
I suspect it because this process has me reconsidering most of the things I've been thinking, doing (or not doing) lately.
I have also been really reflecting on what “matters” in my life – the day-to-day and the big picture.
New York doesn't matter. New Jersey doesn't matter. Massachusetts doesn't matter.
But what – and more importantly, who – is in Massachusetts matters.
Our families are there.
And our hearts are there.
So we're going to bring the rest of us, too 🙂
Is there something you've been holding onto that doesn't matter? Maybe it's time to let go.