My biggest obstacle to becoming a better husband is undoubtedly fighting my obsession for fairness.

I am wired to be fair to everyone.  Including me.

So yeah, sometimes, I don't want to “get up.”

Maybe I've been up all day.

Maybe it's early.

Maybe it's late.

Maybe I'm in the middle of a book, show, game (or, my personal favorite, a sandwich…).

“It's not fair,” I think, “I'm working so hard – harder than I ever have before.  I need a break.”

“I'm exhausted, too,” I tell myself, “Why can't she take over?”

This.  Isn't.  Fair.

And that's where the damage happens.

This usually happens around noon on Saturday.

I wake up before my wife does.  Like way before.  Saturdays are usually her one day to sleep in because I'm usually home and can take care of the kids when they get up.

By noon, the kids wear me out.

Like WEAR.  ME.  OUT.  They're seven sorts of awesome and nine pounds of energy.  It's really cool.  And really fun.  And really exhausting!

So I ask my wife if she minds if I duck in the bedroom for a bit to take a power nap.  (It probably doesn't come out like that all the time…)

She usually doesn't mind, but sometimes she still needs the break.  She's been doing this all week, after all.

So she'll say something to the effect of “can you wait until Honey Bunny takes a nap, so I can finish [insert something totally reasonable here] and then have some one-on-one time with Goofball.”  [Yep, those are their nicknames.]

I shouldn't mind at all.  It's totally reasonable.  But inside I think “How is this fair?  I've been up early so she can sleep in and I just need a little nap.”  Something like that.

And… that usually leads to me saying something stupid with some sort of sarcasm that doesn't go over well.

One problem is that I defined “fair” that day based on who has done more that particular day – by noon.

I compare my morning to hers and wonder if it is “fair.”

Or I compare my day, my last hour, my weekend, or my month to hers and think that I've done more than you.

That's not healthy.  It doesn't work.  (And, in my case, I'm usually wrong… especially with any time frame longer than “the last hour.”  I have some pretty strong hours…)

But it doesn't matter.

Because the real problem is that marriage is not a competition.

So it does me no good to think things like “I've been up since 7.  It's 10.  That means I've been “helping” for 3 hours.  She just got up at 9, so she should take over for the next two hours.  Then we'll be even.”

Seriously?!?!?

Oh how dumb that is, let me count the ways.

First, how is that a healthy way to think?

Second, “fair” doesn't always mean “equal.”  It rarely does.

Third, I have no idea how she is feeling or why that time frame is the one that matters.

Fourth, it misses the big picture.  I'm competing against my wife, instead of working with her.

Fifth, the mental grind of “keeping score” like that, comparing what I've done with her, and fighting for some undefined feeling that I call “fairness” is EXHAUSTING!

Oh and, sixth, it's certainly not “fair” to her that I've been a terrible husband for the last five years.

My biggest challenge.  Fairness.

It's time to man up….

What's your biggest challenge?  Is it mental like mine?  Do you fight for fairness, too?  If so, how's the competition going?  Who's winning?