This is a personal journal by Nick Pavlidis and contributing writers who are all committed to continuous improvement and personal accountability in marriage.
Together we will lock arms to improve our marriages in the open, no matter how great (or not) they are right now.
And we are all committed to writing openly to inspire, encourage, and equip you to improve your marriage no matter how great (or not) your marriage is.
If you want to check out who the regular contributors are and what they’re writing I have added a contributor tab up top and you can check out each person’s articles just by clicking their name, including me!
About my family
My (very patient) wife and I have been together since 2004 and married since 2008. We have two kids – a son born in 2009 and a daughter born in 2011.
When I realized I was a terrible husband
In May 2013, right after celebrating our five-year anniversary, I traveled to Franklin, Tennessee, for a business-coaching conference called Coaching With Excellence. The conference was hosted by Dan and Joanne Miller who have been married for over four decades. The conference was amazing. I learned a ton about business and how to be a world-class coach.
But something about the way Dan and Joanne interacted kept nudging at me.
For two days I watched and learned as they taught me about business and coaching. I diligently took notes about those topics, but found myself writing other random things down that had nothing to do with business or coaching.
I was taking notes about their marriage, all the little things that Dan obviously said and did, and how that impacted his marriage (And business. And life.).
At the end of the conference I got on a plane to fly home, but couldn’t get Dan and Joanne off my mind. I couldn’t figure out why. I had a good marriage. My wife and I loved each other. We had all the big things you could ever want, I thought: a good job that permitted my wife to stay home with our kids, a healthy family, love for each other and the resulting “stable” household that flows from not having to worry about whether you can afford groceries or travel to see family and friends. And we mixed in a vacation or two here and there.
Then it hit me
The difference between their marriage and mine was the handsome and modest guy who brushes my teeth in the morning.
It didn’t matter that I did all the big things right. I did all the little things wrong and my marriage was locked in moron purgatory.
I was a terrible husband.
I know it sounds like a big jump from “little things wrong” to “terrible,” but that’s really what it is.
Why? Because some big things are out of your control. For example, you can’t completely control your health and resulting inability to work. And even doing all the other big things right like being gentle and faithful only makes you a good person.
What makes you a great husband is what you do with all the little things that you can control. Because most of the little things are simple and controllable.
And I did them all wrong. I had no one to blame but myself.
Apparently there are only two cures for a marriage stuck in moron purgatory.
You either simply get rid of the moron.
Or the moron could become less of a moron.
I chose the latter, before my wife chose the former…
Stick around and pay close attention
For the time being, this will be the only place you can find the details about all the stupid things I do and how I’m working hard to do less of them in the future.
You can laugh along (at me) and roll your eyes along (with my wife) as I do all the big things right, but the little things wrong.
Less and less of the little things wrong, for sure. But I’m a work in progress.
And that’s OK. I’m all about personal accountability and incremental improvement.
Be sure to subscribe to the blog for exciting updates over the rest of the year when you will find additional places to learn from my mistakes… more formats… more information… more stupidity.
Finally, here’s to wishing that I run out of material quickly and need to turn this site into more of a “look back” and less of a “ride along.” I’m working very hard to make sure that happens soon.