Question: Tell me Nick, why do husbands make terrible patients when they are sick? Why do they resist the care they need to become well? Why do they drive their wives crazy when they are not doing what they are suppose to be doing when they have to become healthy? Why, why, why? You are a guy. Please, let us know why.

Nick: Ha! I originally thought this e-mail came from my wife… but sadly there are more women suffering from this than just my wife. Here’s the best that I got, at least from my experience.

Pain isn’t the problem. Last year I played an entire game of soccer with a broken foot. I literally broke it in a collision within the first five minutes of the game.

It hurt.

I limped a bit.

I thought it was just a bruise or something I could just “walk off.”

So I tied my shoe a little tighter and played on. The next day I figured I’d get it checked out. And it was broken.

Pulled muscles… same thing. Play through.

But if I’m sick it’s another story.

I’m useless.

Last year around this time I got the flu. It was the first year I didn’t get the flu shot in a decade. You know how people with mental issues sometimes think they don’t need their medication anymore because their medicine makes them feel fine? That’s how I was with the flu shot. Never got the flu, so didn’t need the shot… Yeah… I know… cause and effect. Got it now…

Finally, my wife convinced me to go to the local hospital to get checked out. The doctor stuck the longest metal Q-tip I had ever seen up my nose so far it felt like it was poking out the back of my neck. Apparently that’s either a flu test or something my wife brought with her to punish me for being such a wimp.

Either way, it “confirmed” it was the flu. So she recommended some of that “you have to ask the pharmacist because kids turn it into crack” medicine and told me to stay in bed for the rest of the week. (Yes, I thought (seriously), permission to stay in bed like a wimp!). I don’t like to take medicine, but I was desperate. So I did.

Long story short (too late?), the crack cleared me up within a couple of hours. It was magical…

My wife, on the other hand, is tough. Like Rambo sewing his arm together tough. Way tougher than me.

Why? Here’s my theory, at least when it comes to me and my wife:

My wife is way more used to dealing with pain on the inside. She had two kids. She has a way more complicated “system” then me. She has suffered from sinus infections her whole life, like almost daily in the winter. So it's either get up and punch through it or she'd be in bed all the time.

Perhaps more importantly, she is more nurturing than me by nature. She takes care of other people all day… every day… She doesn't have 8-12 hours sitting at a desk. So she feels more responsible to get up and take care of others and the house.

I feel responsible to earn an income, be a leader and take care of the things where my natural talents are. I’m used to controlling physical pain from things that hurt externally. Foot hurts? “Tie your shoe tighter and play on, wimp!” was my mentality. But inside pain I don’t understand. I need energy. I need strength. And when an illness takes away my “strength,” I revert to childhood. I want to be taken care of.

At least that's what I suspect is going on in my house… Next time I'm sick I'll update this!  I also will be conscious to not be such a wimp…. Either way, let's hope it's not for a while… 

Men, are you this way?  Women, is your boyfriend or husband a wimp?

Help this reader out! Why?

🙂

What I Wore / Foter / CC BY

With all the change we experienced in 2013 this month is shaping up to be an exciting one.

2014 is primed for more change.  I'll be changing jobs.  I'll be settling into the new house and making it more and more of a home.  And I'll be finishing and releasing the book!

I'm pumped that you're here.  It's really amazing how much better a husband I am when I post here and write/edit the book.  And knowing that you are reading this motivates me to write more and more.  So thanks for helping me become a better husband!

Book Announcement

The revisions on the book are taking shape, but because of the big move and the extended time it's been taking us to settle in I decided to extend the free book giveaway until St. Valentine's Day.

Yes, that's a long time.  But I want this to be done right.  Not just “right now.”  And I thought St. Valentine's Day would be fun given the topic…

So spread the word and sign up if you haven't already.  The more the merrier.

Here are the details.

Just [click here] to tweet the opportunity to your followers.

Or [click here] to tweet to your followers that you signed up!

Mailbag

Remember, if you want to ask a question, here's the page to do so.

For today I'll just answer the most frequently asked in the last few weeks:  How's it going?

The move was pretty stressful, as you can imagine.  But routines are taking shape.  We have more family support, which is great.  And it gives us more time for date night!

But we have spent too much time on the house and not enough time just spending time together.  So that is my focus for the time being.  No elaborate plan.  Nothing complicated.  Just time together that doesn't involve changing doorknobs, hanging pictures, or setting up the office or “imagination room” for the kids.

There are also several new challenges.  We had been in one area with friends, jobs and routines that were relatively stable for almost a decade.  So this is pretty new for us.  But we're in a good place.  So far so good.

Confessions Around the Web

I also had an opportunity to connect with “Great Dating Blogs” about being featured on their site, which is pretty cool.  You can find my “listing” here.

Finally, I'm in the midst of setting my 2014 goals and will announce my family goals here, soon.  

What do you have planned for 2014?

What I Wore / Foter / CC BY

Instead of the normal mailbag this week, I have a short story for you today.  Keep the questions coming though for the next mailbag!  Here's the page to do so.

Happy Birthday

Today a special day in my house.  It's my daughter's second birthday.

Unlike with our son, we did not find out the gender before the big day.  It was so awesome to meet her.

One year later (this day last year) I had planned on working a half day to celebrate with the family.

Then I had a conversation with a friend who warned me about what “it would look like” around the office if I left after lunch.

“It's her first birthday.  Why not just celebrate on Saturday?  She won't know the difference.  Why risk it?”

Risk it?!?!  What am I risking?

Anyhow, that's not the point.  We were celebrating as a family.  It was about us, not just her.

Didn't matter if she knew.  We did.

Fortunately, my company is pretty good with stuff like that, so I wasn't worried about “what it would look like.”

And I left.  A little later than I originally wanted, partially out of second guessing myself after that conversation, but I left a little early and celebrated with my family.

I think back to that day, and that conversation, all the time.

It was one of my first clear indicators that I wasn't completely happy with who I had become or where I was going.

And now I'm going somewhere else.  I'm going home.

And today we celebrate together again.  Nice and early!

Confessions Around the Web

I popped up a few places around the web since the last mailbag!

Be sure to let me know if you mention me on your blog or podcast so I can publicly thank you!

Here are the ones I know about:

Budgets Are Sexy – One of J$'s favorite reads of the week!  Awesome!

Alex Barker – Great blogging tips here, including one from yours truly 🙂

Budgeting in the Fun Stuff – A really fun blog written by a dedicated reader and author of two books on making and managing money!

Thank you to these awesome folks for helping me share this!  There is no better compliment online than a link, comment or share.

That you are comfortable enough with me to direct your audience to a post of mine is very, very heartwarming.  So thank you!

And now for the BIG announcement!

Remember that book giveaway that I told you would get better and better?  This one right here?

It just got juiced up for the next few days.

Here's the scoop:

I'm helping a buddy raise funds to adopt a child from Taiwan.  That's right.  Child.  In.  Taiwan.  Coming.  Home.

And my buddy is a Certified Time Management Consultant.  That might be one of the coolest titles ever….

To help him raise funds to bring his baby home I bought two “schedule review and time management coaching sessions” from him.

I'll be giving one session with him to two people who have signed up for the FREE book by midnight EST this Monday, September 9.

Here's how it works:

You take a screen shot of your calendar (if you have one) and email it to him.  He can walk you through how to do that if you don't know how.  Then you send him a list of all things you are working on.

He'll then work with you to build a schedule that helps you conquer chaos.

So there you go.  Free book.  Conquered chaos.  And a kid in Taiwan gets a little closer to coming home.  Win.  Win.  Win.

I told you we were going to do something special together.  And what's more special than helping a child come home?!?!

So sign up and spread the word!

If you don't want or need the time management session, but just want the free book, that's OK, too.  I'll draw another name.  No worries.  No pressure.