Think back to your last argument with your spouse.
Almost without exception couples who have been married more than ten minutes will have at least one story where a discussion turned into an argument.
They said something they didn't mean.
They focused more on being right than achieving or solving something together.
Or they don't even remember what they were arguing about, but just remember arguing about something.
For some couples, we're talking looking back a matter of hours. Others days, weeks, or months.
But as strange as it seems to terrible husbands like me, some couples have gone years or even decades without arguing.
Get this. They have “conversations” instead.
And not “air quotes” conversations. Actual, productive, calm, respectful conversations to resolve differences in opinions, goals, or plans, for the good of the marriage.
Sure, it's normal to argue. But that doesn't mean it should be accepted as part of “real life.”
Which is why eliminating arguments from my marriage, something we haven't been completely successful at doing yet, is my next big focus on becoming a better husband and creating a marriage worth modeling.
The more I study, it seems as if one secret to having a marriage free from arguments is to have a marriage full of love, respect, and perspective.
Work those three concepts into your mind, body language, and words and you will be well on your way to reducing or eliminating arguments from your marriage.
You will treat “issues” differently. It will become less personal. Less emotional. More conversational.
Don't take it from me, though. You can hear it straight from a great friend of the blog, Fawn Weaver, of the Happy Wives Club, (and the first guest on the Confessions of a Terrible Husband podcast), who recently shared her story of achieving an argument-free marriage in a Ted Talk.
She also has a brand-new book coming out called The Argument-Free Marriage: 28 Days to Creating the Marriage You've Always Wanted with the Spouse You Already Have, which I encourage you to check out, particularly because of the whole “spouse you already have” angle… because without that things could get pretty awkward over the next 28 days….so….
How does Fawn Weaver – the happy wife from The Happy Wives Club – keep arguments out of her marriage?
As you will see, she doesn't give up her identity. She doesn't give up her opinions. She doesn't give up her hopes or dreams.
Her secret is a heavy dose of perspective. Here's her talk. I'll let her explain. Let me know what you think in the comments.
So what do you think?
Is it possible to have a marriage free from arguments?
Have you been able to reduce or eliminate arguments from your marriage?
What has worked best for you?