Golde: Do I love him? For twenty-five years, I've lived with him, Fought with him, starved with him. For twenty-five years, my bed is his. If that's not love, what is?
Tevye: Then you love me?
Golde: I suppose I do.
Tevye: And I suppose I love you, too.
Together: It doesn't change a thing, but even so, after twenty-five years, it's nice to know*

I just came back from a week spent on a California beach with my long-time girlfriend, Irene.

As soon as I began to unpack my suitcase, a huge smile lit up my face with the discovery of one of Dan’s love-notes. Just simple, handwritten notes on post-it sheets telling me he is thinking of me, wishing me a great time with my dear friend, and just loving me.

Telling me he loves me. Throughout the week I kept discovering more notes.

When did he have time to write them and insert them into my suitcase when I didn’t know? That’s always part of the mystery and fun… and romance of it.

You see we have been doing this for each other most of our marriage. If one of us goes away without the other, the traveler can expect to find love notes somewhere in his bags or books. And the one staying home can expect to find a note, card, or delayed email.

I usually leave a nice letter for him on his pillow. I have even been known to put a note in the shower, inside the lid of the Mentholatum he puts on his lips at night to keep them soft (for me!), tucked into his underpants or the sleeve of a shirt.

He will often stick a love note inside the book I am taking along to read or layer them in the many layers of clothing I simply “have” to take.

The point is, we take the time to let each other know we will be thinking of them even when we are apart. Especially when we are apart. Tangible gifts of love.

It is great to hear, “I love you”. In fact it is very important to hear the words. Never forget that.

I remember a conversation Dan and I had soon after we were married. He did not come from a home where “I love you” was said verbally. Neither did I. But I craved it. I wanted to hear the words. Dan figured if he was showing me by doing things for me and keeping a roof over my head, I should know he loves me. Why use up words? I would say them often to him, hoping he would figure it out at some point. Finally one day I got tired of waiting:

Me: “Dan, do you love me?”
Dan: “Of course, why?”
Me: “Then why is it so hard for you to tell me so?”
Dan: “I do tell you!”
Me: “Yes, you do…..after I have told you. Always after I have said it first. You sound like a parrot. Polly want a cracker?” (Ok, that was a little sarcastic and totally not necessary…especially since Polly was my mother’s name….. but I was in a mood)
Dan (totally stumped): “I show you all the time that I love you.” (Ok, now he sounds like Golde in Fiddler on the Roof and I am wanting Antonio Banderas)
Me: “But I need to hear you say the words. Not because you heard me say them but because you mean them and you want me to know it. I see it in action but I long to hear it in your voice.”
Dan: “Ok, I can work on that. I love you!”

And he did.

A lot.

Over the years he has been more aware of saying it to his loved ones. He never hangs up the phone with one of our children or grandchildren without saying, “I love you.” He never leaves the house without kissing me and saying those three important words. It has become a good habit that endears him to family and home.

Don’t be a parrot. Don’t overlook the importance of those three small words. And the love notes…..

Be Antonio Banderas! She’ll love it.

*Lyrics from Do You Love Me?, Fiddler on the Roof. Written by: GORDY, BERRY JR, Lyrics © EMI Music Publishing, BOCK IP LLC, IMAGEM U.S. LLC, Universal Music Publishing Group