A long time ago I convinced myself that I would only commit to doing something if I knew I could do it.

This way I could never go back on my word. That meant a lot to me.

But it also began years of frustration and routinely disappointing the people I care most about.

If my wife asked if I would be home for dinner, instead of saying “Yes, I'll be there,” I'd simply say “I'll try.”

If she asked on Tuesday if we could go to the museum on Saturday, I said “probably, but I don't know if I have to work.”

If she asked in January if we could go away in June, I'd say “I don't know.”

In my mind, I was doing the right thing.

If I committed to do something and couldn't, I'd be a liar at best, a failure at worst.

So I just didn't commit.

I could sense the disappointment in her voice, but what could I do?

I didn't want to lie. I didn't want to commit to something I didn't know I could do.

Then one day I did the math.

I realized that I disappointed her every day by refusing to commit.

And I estimated that I missed dinners less than 10% of the time. I missed events less than 5% of the time.

So to avoid disappointing her less than 10% of the time, I chose to disappoint her every day by refusing to commit.

I felt pretty dumb once I did that math. And I knew she'd understand if something got in the way 5-10% of the time.

The next day, like clockwork, around 3pm she asked me if I would be home for dinner.

I was terrified – because I knew what I was going to say. I had it planned all day.

“Yes. I'll be home between 6 and 6:30.”

She was shocked, silent, ready to say (as usual) “okay, well keep me posted. We'd love to have dinner with you….”

Instead, she exclaimed “Oh, yaaaaay! The kids will be so excited! We can't wait to see you!”

I was still terrified. Now I had to make it home on time.

I hustled.

And I made it.

It. Was. Awesome.

Because I committed to something. She felt special.

Because that day, and every day since. I made sure that she was.

I still struggle with this one. It's mental, not physical. Physical is simple. I can just “get up” or “take over what she's doing.”

Mental intimidates me. It requires the toughest kind of discipline.

But it also motivates me.

Maybe I was lying all those times when I said I'd “try.” In my mind I was trying. But when I finally committed to doing things I really tried! And succeeded.

Wives, would you rather hear “I'll try” and be disappointed every day or “yes” and be disappointed 5-10% of the time?