I'm convinced that the “terrible husband” title does not apply only to the unfaithful or abusive monster who immediately comes to mind. There's a special place somewhere very uncomfortable for those jerks.

But what about the husbands who care more about “the BIG game” than spending quality time with their wife? Repeated over and over enough, what message does that say to your wife?

(Yes, this is one of those “actions speak louder” moments…)

What about the guys who think every game is a “big game?”

That was me for a long time. And consistently prioritizing things that, without a doubt, “don't matter” in the grand scheme of things over and over again is pretty terrible in my book. It' s not the same “type” of terrible as the monsters we all know and hate. But it's pretty crappy nonetheless.

I can't count how many times I said something like “It's the first game back for Tom Brady after having his whole knee reconstructed!” or “If they lose this game they'll only be one game up in the Wild Card standings!” or “There are two men on in the bottom of the 7th inning with two outs, can this wait?!” when justifying why “now” wasn't a good time to talk or hang out.

Does thinking or saying these things mean I “cared more about” the game than spending time with my wife?

As much as I'd like to think it doesn't, I'm pretty sure it does.

At least it did at those moments.

Of course, if the apartment building caught fire, I wouldn't be dragging the flat screen and cable box down 14 flights of stairs screaming “Don't worry, we'll be OK! I'm not leaving you until we're both safe!” as the lady of the house remain in the apartment…. While that might make for an interesting movie scene, I suspect it would not go over very well with my wife… especially if I then ran back into the fire to save the remote. Even I wasn't that big of a jerk.

But it's still embarrassing to think about those “the game is more important than you right now” moments.

Even sitting alone typing these words makes me want to go wake up my wife and apologize. Of course then I'd have to apologize for waking her up… so I'm going to just wait until she gets up on her own… (see… I'm learning…). Then I'll say I'm sorry. 🙂

I'm not suggesting that good husbands never watch TV or do things to veg out or enjoy things that matter only to them.

And I'm not suggesting that good husbands can never ask their wives if they mind talking later because they could use an hour or so to veg out after a long day.

I am suggesting that if every game is a big game, you might not have your priorities straight.

I am suggesting that if you can name more players in the minor leagues for your baseball team than members of your wife's family, you might want to spend a little more time studying family pictures than box scores.

I am suggesting that if you can't empty the dishwasher because you don't know where “the forks” go, you might want to spend a little time at least helping empty a dishwasher….

I am suggesting that if it's April and you still don't know your kids' teachers' names, you might want to stop by the school once or twice to introduce yourself… assuming you know where it is. If not, you might want to Google it….

I am suggesting that if you spend more time comparing the “per square” price on toilet paper at BJ's than you did picking out your last anniversary card, you might want to rethink a few things…. Remember, your anniversary is a really big reminder to her of to whom (and what) she committed the rest of her life. Make sure she knows you appreciate that. And make sure you do appreciate that.

Upon reflection, I didn't.

Do you fall into the “every game is a big game” or “every moment in a game is a big moment” traps like I did?

With the MLB playoff push, new NFL season opening up and NBA and NHL seasons shortly thereafter, I need the constant reminders. And don't get me started on Fantasy Football….

Dear Nick:

Not every game is a big game. And making sure you spend enough time and energy on your relationship the rest of the week makes “game time” much easier on the soul…

Best regards,

Smart Nick