Posted on Monday, June 1, 2015

22: The reason your husband thinks you’re nagging him (that he will never admit…)

And 3 ways to help improve your communication from there.

I recently sent an e-mail to the folks who subscribe to this blog asking them how I can better serve them.

I am planning a few webinars and wanted to make sure to cover the most important topics to them.

If you want to make sure you know when they will happen be sure you're on my list.

You can sign up on the right-hand side of this page.

The responses were amazing.

Several people even replied to the e-mail to say hello, ask questions, or suggest topics.

I love connecting with folks who read this blog or listen to the podcast.

One reader asked a question I get from time to time that is near and dear to my heart, and I wanted to address it from my perspective right here, anonymously of course (and slightly edited to further protect her identity):

I also spent an entire episode of the Confessions of a Terrible Husband podcast following up on this, which you can hear here:

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Here is her question:

Posted on Friday, May 15, 2015

021: How Small Changes to how you Listen, Learn, and Love can Improve Your Relationship Fast.

Susie Miller shares lessons from her new book to help us improve our relationships in 30 days or less.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

In this episode of the Confessions of a Terrible Husband podcast I talk with Susie Miller, author of the book Listen, Learn, Love: How to Dramatically Improve Your Relationships in 30 Days or Less, which is about how to develop the three important skills to improve your relationship fast.

Susie talks with me about listening well, learning about your spouse, and loving them in a way that promotes stronger relationships.

She shares stories from her personal life and book and talks about some pretty cool bonuses for folks who buy her book around the release date, so tune in for those details, too.

It's a fun chat so be sure to check it out. And also be sure to connect with Susie about her book, which you can find through the link at the top of the post, on Amazon, and pretty much every other retailer around!

I really enjoyed our chat and the book, which I read in less time than it takes to watch a baseball game on TV.

Posted on Friday, May 8, 2015

020: Are Your Habits Helping or Hurting Your Marriage?

Gretchen Rubin shares incredible lessons from her unique study of habits

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

In this episode of the Confessions of a Terrible Husband podcast I talk with New York Times Best Selling Author Gretchen Rubin about how we can use her new book, Better Than Before: Mastering the Habits of Our Everyday Lives, to improve your relationship.

Be sure to check out her website and podcast, Happier with Gretchen Rubin.

I firmly believe that Gretchen's book can have a similar impact on relationships to The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman because it not only helps you understand yourself, but it also provides insight into the mind of your spouse.

The book emphasizes that there are several ways to make or break habits and not all of them will work for you all the time based on your personal tendencies. Gretchen introduces the four tendencies that each of us have, which she calls the “Four Tendencies” and which describe how a person responds to expectations.

Posted on Monday, April 27, 2015

3 Terrible Reasons for Trying to “Shield” Your Spouse From Your Worries

Writing the book, Confessions of a Terrible Husband: Lessons Learned from a Lumpy Couch, has been just as valuable for opening my eyes deeper into how I can improve my marriage as it was an exercise in telling my story and writing a book for others to read.

One thing I learned about myself that surprised me was how much I was hiding from my wife in an effort to “shield” her from my worries.

Here are the three terrible reasons I kept my worries from my wife and what I've learned about the process, using a particularly stressful situation I didn't handle very well from around July 2008 through May 2009.

The world's economy was going crazy, stock markets were crashing, and the legal industry was turning upside down.

Seeing close friends get laid off, retirement accounts halved, and the tone of the industry that I had anointed as the foundation upon which we would build our family's future shifting was challenging.

I felt that my plans for our family were rattled by circumstances around me that I could not control.

That perceived lack of control stressed me out, big time. And I didn't handle it well.

Instead of reaching out to my wife for support, I doubled down as a lone wolf.

I kept “telling her” that “things were stressful” at work, that people were getting laid off, and that we needed to be careful with finances because job security was not what it used to be.

I didn't let the depth of any conversation to go beyond “that other law firm laid off 50 attorneys yesterday,” “the market is crashing,” and “we need to be careful.”

I thought I was doing the right thing, shouldering burdens for the family.

Turns out trying to “shield” things from my wife made everything worse, for both of us.

Here are the top three terrible reasons I kept my worries from her, along with the obligatory 20/20 hindsight: