Today's marriage lesson hidden in plain sight comes to you from the great business mind of Seth Godin.
If you don't know Seth Godin's writing, he's the business marketing expert.
He's so well-regarded, that he writes a blog on typepad that millions of people read. No flashy graphics. Just a yellow (or is it orange?) pic of his head.
No fancy technology. Just words on a screen.
No catchy web address. Just sethgodin.typepad.com.
He kills it with his content.
“The easiest and safest thing to do is accept what you've been ‘given', to assume that you are unchangeable, and the cards you've been dealt are all that are available. When you assume this, all the responsibility for outcomes disappears, and you can relax,” Seth explained (we're on a first name basis… he just doesn't know it yet…).
This might be the best take on marriage I've seen in weeks.
How many elevator-ride or small-talk conversations have I heard with a husband talking about “as good as it gets” or a wife saying “but that's marriage for ya”?
What they really were saying was “I give up. It's too hard to do more. It's much easier to be miserable, pretend I can't do anything about it, and find other people who agree to me so we can just complain to each other every day instead of putting in the hard work to make things better.”
I felt that way for a while. I thought that I was only a small part of our happiness at home and that whatever we did was subject to “how the world works these days.”
Seth's post is so good I almost want to copy and past the whole thing here for you. (But that might get me sued so I won't…)
But think about this:
Imagine if you took every second you spent complaining or thinking about how hard marriage is and spent it thinking about ways you could improve your marriage?
I'm not talking about the time you spend playing with your kids.
I'm not talking about the time you spend resting.
I'm not even talking about the time you spend watching the post-post game analysis after the Red Sox' latest loss, although I would argue that this time is prime for repurposing into more productive activities. (Yes, there's a post-game show and a post-post game show….)
I'm just talking about the time you spent thinking or complaining about “your situation.”
If you take just the time you spend saying “why is marriage so hard” and replace it with “what can I do today to improve something about my marriage” your marriage can improve quickly.
Add in the post-post game time and you're really cooking with gas…
As Seth, explains:
Better might be difficult, better might involve overcoming unfair barriers, but better is definitely possible. And the belief that it's possible is a gift.
Believe that a better marriage is possible.
Because it is. If you look for opportunities to improve it.
What can you do today to make your marriage better?