Today, I'm turning over the screen (is that a saying?) to the Happy Wives Club Blog Tour.
I am super stoked to be a part of the tour, along with hundreds of inspiring bloggers.
To learn more and join the tour (that rhymes), CLICK HERE!
That'll open up all the “deets” in a fancy new window to peruse when you're done here.
So…. this is a little awkward.
See, the aforementioned “hundreds of inspiring bloggers” each have some amazing and uplifting advice to give on marriage.
They each can give you tons of really valuable insights.
Insights from years of happy marriages…
I, on the other hand, have more questions than answers.
So what am I doing here? Don't they know the title of my blog?!?!
Or that when I started writing it, I quickly realized that a blog wasn't enough space to cover all the stupid things I've done, even posting multiple times per week, so now it's a book in the works?!?!
(Incidentally, if you like (a) books, or (b) puppies, the book is on presale right now and comes with all sorts of fun stuff if you preorder)
But hey… if you don't like puppies…
So I thought I'd do this a little different than the rest.
I thought I'd list the writing prompts that Fawn gave and invite – no BEG – you to answer one of the questions in the comments here! If you're one of the inspiring bloggers on the tour, feel free to leave a link to your post in the comments.
I have a lot to learn, and a thirst for the information!
Here are the topics:
Prompt: Why I love my husband?
Prompt: Why did I get married?
Prompt: What's your secret to a happy marriage?
Prompt: Tell us something about the happiest couple you know.
Prompt: Why I still believe in marriage.
In the interest of being a team player, I will briefly address the two prompts I almost picked.
First prompt that almost made the cut: Why I love my husband?
Short answer: Because he's a beautiful, strong, loving woman who put up with so much of my crap for way too long and yet still wants to hug me, even when I smell like old shoes. [click to tweet] I could go on… but since I didn't choose it I won't.
Why I didn't choose it: Aside from the obvious issue, which could easily have been resolved by giving my “husband” virtual gender reassignment surgery, I thought the topic didn't really fit this site, which is about me and all the stupid crap I've done, the lessons I've learned, the books I'm reading (and writing! yay!), the blogs that are influencing me, etc.
Second prompt that almost made the cut: Why I still believe in marriage.
I got this one.
But first a confession: For a while, I wasn't so sure I still believed in marriage.
I was married for a while. My marriage was flawed. Still is. And I was a big part of the problem. Still am.
I thought a lot about divorce. Not about filing for divorce. That wasn't an option. At least I wasn't going to file.
I thought about whether my wife would leave me. Sometimes I cried about it, as if it was more a matter of “when” than “if.”
I was scared.
And then I reassured myself, “She won't file. I know we have problems, but we have all our needs taken care of. This is 21st Century marriage.”
I hoped and prayed that she wouldn't file. That this was just a “season” that would pass. But a not-so-small part of me worried that one day I would come home to an empty apartment.
Then I spent two days in Nashville, TN at a conference where I witnessed the most loving couple I had ever seen.
They had been together for decades.
They were happy.
But not just happy.
They were “free scoop day at Ben & Jerry's” happy.
Happiness! That's it! That's what my marriage was missing!
When I got home I realized that my focus was on all the wrong things. I was too worried about the next dollar and not the next hug. I was lazy. I was ignorant. I was sprinting in the wrong direction.
I was the problem.
I immediately broke myself down into the tiniest of pieces. I questioned everything. I read everything I could squeeze into whatever time I could squeeze out of my days on marriage, parenting, and happiness.
I examined every little or big argument, everything I did (or didn't do) that she wanted or needed, even arguments we had for nearly a decade, constantly asking myself why I said or did something, what was I feeling, what could I have done differently, etc.
“I don't know” was not an acceptable answer.
If I didn't know why I said or did something, I hadn't broken myself down into small enough pieces. So I kept going.
It was exhausting. And frustrating. I was obsessed with finding and examining my failures.
Once I had an answer, I started rebuilding, this time with a renewed focus and commitment. And with more – and better – information.
The process is ongoing. But it led to two discoveries about marriage that renewed my faith and made me now believe in marriage more than ever.
1. Marriage is the only voluntary adult relationship that involves a lifetime commitment and unconditional love. [click to tweet]
My mom loves me unconditionally. I know that. And I love her, too. But she gave birth to me. She didn't spend three years learning everything about me and then decide I was “the one.”
My wife did.
2. There is no limit to how good a marriage can be if you both take responsibility for improving it. [click to tweet]
At some point you're going to make as much as they are willing to spend on your position.
Get paid by the hour? You run out at 168 hours a week.
In sales? Eventually you will run out of people.
All you can eat wings? Eventually even the hungriest people get full.
But marriage? The more you work on it the better it will be. That's it. Your love for each other can grow every single day.
There may be a long day. There may be a tough month – or longer.
But your love can and will grow and grow and grow, and your marriage can and will age like a fine wine if you work on it.
You can and will love each other more…. and more… and more… and more.
‘Til death do you part.
What else is truly unlimited like that?!?
That's pretty awesome.
There you have it. Why I now believe in marriage more than ever. And why I'll believe in marriage more tomorrow than I do today.
If you believe in marriage, too, let me know in the comments. Or address one of the other prompts!
Help me, help
you me. 🙂
And please like, share, pin, and fax this post to all of your friends!
Send fax confirmations to nick(at)aterriblehusband(dot)com. 🙂
Fawn Weaver, the founder of the Happy Wives Club wrote a book about the best marriage secrets the world has to offer. They say the book is like “Eat, Pray, Love meets The 5 Love Languages.” I say the book is inspiring. You can grab a copy HERE.