5 Simple Building Blocks For Becoming a Better Husband. Sadly, #3 Took Me Years to Figure Out…

5 Building Blocks (1)Not too long ago I made a commitment to become a better husband. I had been just plain “bad at being a husband” for about half a decade and if something didn’t change, my marital status would have.

So I went on a mission to improve my marriage, one day at a time.

And I committed to writing a book about how and why I became a terrible husband, how I realized I was a terrible husband, what exactly it was that made me so “terrible,” and what I did (and continue to do) to turn it around.

And while there are a lot of details that are beyond the scope of a blog post (hence the book…) becoming a better husband really boils down to these 5 simple, but not-so-easy building blocks, if you will:

1. Believe you need to improve.

A lot of people I meet say they need to improve. They often say it through the cliché “everyone can improve, right?” or “nobody’s perfect” lines….

I’m not talking about saying you can or could use to improve.

I’m talking about believing it. Believing that you are flawed in a way that you would not want for your daughter or that you would coach your son to avoid.

you’ve got to actually believe it.

2. Commit to improving.

This is pretty simple. Believing you need to improve is like believing you need to lose weight. Believing is essential, but does nothing without the commitment to eating less or exercising more, or both.

This is a mental switch that you must flip in order to transition from crappy to happy. #poetry 😉

3. Do fewer crappy things.

This building block is pretty ingenious and took all the knowledge I developed over the combined 8 years of undergrad and law school, plus a decade of New York law firm work. In fact, I would have posted this list earlier but I was waiting for NASA to confirm my findings….

According to them I needed to add one word to the end.

But since this is a PG blog, I just left it as is.

If you’re curious, let’s just say it’s a not-so-friendly way to call you a jerk.

Hey… it’s not my word. I’m just trying to help you become a less crappy husband over here… 😉

Send your hate mail to NASA.

4. Consume content about becoming a better husband.

We’ve talked about this before here. I have my favorite books and I talk about them over and over.

Don’t like to read.

Well, first, you’re reading right now sooooo… there’s that…..

Second, I get it. Maybe you don’t like to read “books.” So listen to audio books. Watch good movies. Listen to podcasts. Read blogs. Join a marriage mastermind.

Go to conferences or seminars (I’m still not sure if conferences and seminars are different things… but since you’re paying by the word I figure I’d keep them both in…).

Basically, stop watching Two and a Half Men and pick up a book about how to be less of a jerk.

Cool?

5. Apply what you learn.

What good is learning about being a better husband if you’re going to be nice for the rest of that night and then go back to being a jerk?

So be intentional about applying all the good stuff you learn from all those books on tape.

Make the good stuff the habit.

So there you go. Five building blocks for becoming a better husband. Do these things over and over again and you’ll have more good nights than bad.

So what are you waiting for?

What are you currently reading/watching/listening to that will help you become a better husband?

If you don’t have a ready answer, hit me up in the comments with your biggest obstacle to becoming better. I’ll put the names of whoever comments about an obstacle and promises to read and apply the lessons that resonate to them from a book in a drawing and send them a book next week.

It has to be a personal thing though – something about you – that’s keeping you from improving. Blame it on your wife and I’ll call you a big jerk right here to everyone.  Got it?!?!

Please note: I reserve the right to delete comments that are offensive or off-topic.

  • David Mike

    Nick, did you just summarize your book! LOL. These points are great. I use the phrase “crappy / happy” when delivering bad followed up by good information to my students. Love it. I think my biggest issue is complacency in the marriage and taking my wife for granted. it is not intentional but intentionality would be the solution.

    • A little bit. 🙂 Sure did!

      Thanks David. I totally connect with that. The whole concept of “unconditional love” is amazing, but knowing that my wife loves me unconditionally sometimes gets me off track, too. So important to be intentional, for sure!

  • Wonderful Post! I am a total believer in, “If you want something different, do something different.” This article is a great example of that belief and I thank you for sharing!